She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize