God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
