Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
