____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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