Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
