i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
