dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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