And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
