Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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