Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
