It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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