he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
