While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
