i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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