I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
