when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
