he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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