So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
be right there i have to get my cape
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
