morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
