I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
