I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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