I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
