I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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