I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
