Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
