I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
