I got chris browned last night
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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