There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize