Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
