Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
