i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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