The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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