Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
