Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
