She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
