A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
