just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
