how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
