It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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