weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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