Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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