You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
