no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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