now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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