hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
