You really coming over, don't trick.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
