I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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