Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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