he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
