I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
