i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
