Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
