just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my sisters under your porch take her home
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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