): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
