My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
