I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
