I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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