She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize