dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
