Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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