Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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