I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
