What a fucking waste of an outfit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize