Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
