I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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