dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
