Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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