After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
