no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
