im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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