wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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