brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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