Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
