Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
