Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
