The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
