sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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