Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
