careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
