He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
