Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
