And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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