I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
