he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize