he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
