Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
