yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize