the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just found puke in my bra..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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