someone owes me an orgasm
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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