Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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